There is no such thing as “new parenting”

Last week I took my daughter to a soft play area as it was raining and wanted her to tire herself out- so she couldn’t ask me any more damn questions!! Anyway I encountered an exchange between a young daughter and her mum. The girl was in her school uniform and wasn’t much older than 6 years I would say. She had proceeded to push a friend, apparently after that girl had first pushed her. (I wasn’t eavesdropping honest!). Anyway this girl proceeded to push her so -called friend at least 4 times, whilst the mum just kept talking to her and telling her not to do it. She once threatened to leave the centre if she didn’t obey, but didn’t follow through with the threat. I swear that this mum was chatting to her daughter for over 10 minutes. Now if that was my daughter, she would have had a good talking to and we would have left the centre  5 minutes earlier. What is the point of threats if you don’t carry them out?

I personally think we talk to children far too much these days as if they are reasoning logical adults, (which even adults aren’t most of the time) and don’t give enough boundaries. Discipline and boundaries are what keep children on track, something the schools and parents used to do well. Rules are useful for telling children what is acceptable and what isn’t. We have to have rules at home too, in order for children to know what is good behaviour.

Here’s an old fashioned way of disciplining children:( I think its hilarious!)

The question is always asked why are kids these days so bolshy and uncontrollable? I fear it is due to lack of discipline and boundaries. I am not advocating going back to the days of the cane , but rather the days when parents were parents, not their children’s friends.

My (unsolicited) advice to that mother is, don’t keep talking to your child, allow her a set amount of time to cry and moan, but give a warning and a consequence and carry through with the consequence if she doesn’t comply.

However at the end of the day we are all human and all have off days.For these days I highly recommend chocolate cake and a glass of Prosecco!

PS I certainly have off days and don’t judge people for having days of giving in to their children, but we must all, as a society, ensure these are not too often so that we are raising, well behaved, fun, enquiring children and children with a good moral compass.

Here are some of the books I have found useful through the years with raising my own daughter and that should hopefully work with my son:

  1. New Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green
  2. What to Expect:the Toddler Years by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel
  3. The Best Friends Guide to Toddlers: A Survival Manual to the ‘Terrible Twos’ (and Ones and Threes) from the First Step, the First Potty and the First Word ‘No’to the Last Blanket by Vicki Iovine
  4. Child of our Time by Tessa Livingstone
  5. Toddlers:The Mumsnet Guide
  6. What to expect :the First Year
  7. Secrets Of The Baby Whisperer For Toddlers

Would you believe I have read all these books?! No I didn’t either! That’s what happens when you are a first time mum, second time around you read absolutely nothing! Most of the time you also forget your midwife appointments!

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4 Responses to There is no such thing as “new parenting”

  1. Pulitzer prize material present.

  2. Terescia says:

    I personally think we talk to children far too much these days as if they are reasoning logical adults, (which even adults aren’t most of the time) and don’t give enough boundaries. Discipline and boundaries are what keep children on track

    I was looking for something to support what I have been feeling about how I deal with my own children. I know I spend too much time talking to them about things as if they had the mental capacity to make reasoned decisions about things that go against their (childish, selfish) desires and have also been struggling with this for a while, because I know something’s wrong in the way I deal with them but can’t quite give up the debates we get into. I’m going to post this somewhere on my computer and look at it daily until I get it through my head that enforcing boundaries is the job of the parent and that letting the kids argue with me so much just undermines my authority as the parent! The fact is, until the kids are mentally and emotionally mature, they aren’t on equal footing with me and shouldn’t be allowed to act as if they are. 🙂 Thank you for writing about this! I needed to hear from someone else something that I’ve been feeling for a while.

    • sylvester says:

      Terescia, so glad I could be of help.Of course like any other parent I struggle with disciplining too, but as you said I remind myself that I am the adult and at the moment my child is still a child and cannot really reason.I am sure as they get older and are teenagers we will adapt the way we discuss things with them.

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